Allegra Goodman’s “The Last Grownup”: Loneliness and Emotional Confusion After Divorce

DANIELLE MARCHAM

“To me, each of my works is very much about spirituality and religion. It’s a theme in all of them except that it’s in a different key in different works.” (Harrison-Kahan) Allegra Goodman points out that each of her works contain the similar theme of religion or policies that guide her work. Goodman’s other works plunge into the traditions of science, love, and marriage; however, “The Last Grownup” dives into the system of divorce, loss, and emotional turmoil. Allegra Goodman’s “The Last Grownup” reverberates the theme of loneliness and emotional turmoil that individuals, especially recently divorced individuals, experience in contrast to that of common belief of happily divorced individuals.

The main character in “The Last Grownup,” Debra, is the channel through which the theme of loneliness is primarily revealed. Due to the recent divorce, Debra was now alone every other week as her two daughters constantly went between the two new homes. “She could have been thinking and going to the gym and resting, but when the girls left with their father Debra sat on the couch and cried (Goodman).” The loss of her daughters led to a feeling of loneliness that caused Debra to lose her self-control, weep, and let go of some of her personal guidelines. When individuals lose those they dearly love, it is common to reserve memories of them when they are gone even if they are only somewhere else at the time. This is the case for a family member moving somewhere farther away, a child going to college or progressing on with life, a friend or close individual breaking a relationship, someone you know well dying or in the hospital for a serious illness, or, as in this story, when your children are at another parent’s home and away from you for the first time. “Sophie’s fluffy white. She’d said she wanted white like Maxy’s fur, and that was what she got (Goodman).” Debra tries to go on with life regularly but the little things that she sees remind her of times past and her daughters. The loneliness of not having her daughters causes her to try to replace them in her mind with memories; however, she recognizes that she just wants life to be back to normal like when she has the girls back: “And life was good, and it was ordinary (Goodman).”

The loss of important relationships in individual’s lives often leads to a sense of loneliness, despite the fact that the individual has other relationships as well. “Loneliness can be grasped as the ‘feeling’ or the emotional experience of those without or denied the experience of the bond, or specific prior bond. (Franklin) Oftentimes, people get fixated and so wrapped up in a handful of relationships, that the other relationships seem to be so far away even when they are all that the individual has left. Debra’s focus on the loss of her daughters to her ex-husband leads not only to loneliness but also a spurning of other relationships to take their place. For example, the story points out two occasions: “Debra was maligning her own sweet Max just to get off the phone” and “she felt guilty for mocking, even inwardly, because how could her parents know what to say? How could anybody? (Goodman).” She has relationships with friends, parents, and her sister; however, all that she can think of is that her now divorced husband and daughters are gone, and that she is the only sane grownup left in her circle. Though she has a counselor, she feels that she is left alone to navigate her own emotional journey as well as her ex-husband, his fiancée and her daughters. “The Last Grownup” tells us that “Debra understood all that. (She was good at therapy.) (Goodman)” which could be put as she recognized everything the therapist was telling her, that she was in charge of her own feelings not others. Society tells divorcees that it is good to divorce if there is no love, that “Now you can rest! You can think! You can work out! (Goodman).” It is portrayed as something that can be beneficial and helps people focus on themselves. However, this society cliché leads individuals to a sense of loneliness, an idea that they do not need anyone, that they can be alone and thrive. In reality, these cliches lead to a sense of loneliness that can only be rectified by re-immersion back into relationships with others.

The emotional turmoil that is rushing through Deba in contrast to that of her ex-husband and his fiancée, is a reminder that though there are examples of good divorce outcomes, not everyone splits easily with no lasting effects or trouble. After the divorce, Debra struggles through the fact that the divorce is finally done, noting that “The paperwork was done, and it was weird and painful, like picking off a scab, because the marriage itself had ended two years before (Goodman).” While she is attempting to figure out her emotions after the divorce, her ex-husband finds a new fiancée and ends up having a child with her. The not-yet-born child is yet another reminder of the two directions that these two have gone since Deba had wanted a third child and although her ex-husband had previously refused, now he has gotten over their relationship to have that child with another lady. Another reminder of different outcomes of a divorce, is their physical changes. Debra ends up eating fries, lounging on the couch, and crying while Richard, her ex-husband, started eating healthier, losing weight, and stopping his smoking habits. Debra and Richard’s separation and differences in the ways that it affected them is proof that divorce does not always end up happily or even the same way for now-separated couples.

One of the most prominent examples of Debra’s emotional confusion is the statement that “Debra didn’t feel alone at all. She didn’t mind watching. She just felt like the last grownup on earth (Goodman).” She tries to pretend that she does not feel alone; however, she also notes that she feels like she is the “last grownup” left. The idea of being the “last” anything left on earth shouts the concept of loneliness. This feeling or idea of being the “last grownup on earth” is evoked by Debra’s involvement in helping her ex-husband and fiancée as they plan how to announce their engagement and pregnancy to the two girls. She feels that she is the only steady force, the only individual who is trying to keep everyone together emotionally and as a family.

“The Last Grownup” uses the story of Debra to reveal ideas concerning the feelings of loss and emotional turmoil that sometimes rears its head after divorce. Debra’s story of the loneliness she felt, described as being the “last grownup,” was made possible by the experiences that she went through as she attempted to also help her ex-husband, his fiancée, and her two daughters also navigate this hard time. Allegra Goodman’s short story “The Last Grownup” is a reminder that divorces sometimes result in the pain, loneliness, and emotional hurt of the previous partner, yourself, children from the marriage, and others.

Works Cited

Franklin, Adrian S. “On Loneliness.” Geografiska Annaler. Series B, Human Geography, vol. 91, no. 4, 2009, pp. 343–54. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/40405862. Accessed 6 Dec. 2024.

Goodman, Allegra. The Last Grownup. The New Yorker, October 25, 2021, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/02/27/the-last-grownup.

Harrison-Kahan, Lori, and Allegra Goodman. “Total Immersion: An Interview with Allegra Goodman.” MELUS, vol. 37, no. 4, 2012, pp. 187–202. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/42001192. Accessed 6 Dec. 2024.

Harvey, John H., and Eric D. Miller. “Toward a Psychology of Loss.” Psychological Science, vol. 9, no. 6, 1998, pp. 429–34. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/40063352. Accessed 6 Dec. 2024.