The Last Cultural and Gendered Judgment of Divorce

Mercy Hill-Mariscal

Allegra Goodman’s “The Last Grownup” intricately examines the societal expectations placed on women post-divorce, highlighting the inequities and emotional labor they endure. The story centers on Debra, a divorced mother, as she navigates her evolving relationships with her daughters, her ex-husband Richard, and his new wife Heather. Goodman contrasts Debra’s struggles with the ease of Richard’s reinvention, critiquing societal double standards that celebrate male autonomy while scrutinizing women’s caregiving roles. Through Debra’s experiences, the short story reframes divorce not as a failure, but as a site of transformation and resilience, celebrating women’s agency in navigating societal and familial pressures. Through Debra’s experiences, Goodman interrogates the broader cultural biases that define divorced women by their familial roles, often casting them as either failures or symbols of disruption. “The Last Grownup” reframes divorce as a site of transformation and resilience, offering a nuanced critique of societal norms while celebrating women’s ability to assert agency amid adversity.

Divorce in “The Last Grownup” is depicted as both a personal and cultural rupture, deeply tied to questions of identity and belonging. For Debra, the absence of her daughters during their weekends with Richard is a stark reminder of her diminished presence in their daily lives. Goodman captures this emotional void in the story’s opening scene: “She could have been thinking and going to the gym and resting, but when the girls left with their father, Debra sat on the couch and cried” (Goodman). This moment reflects the loneliness and grief that divorce imposes, challenging societal narratives that frame it as a liberating experience for women.

Carrie Yodanis describes the paradox of societal expectations placed on divorced women, who are expected to balance newfound independence with ongoing emotional labor for their families. Yodanis argues that divorce culture provides women with leverage to push for more equal relationships (644). Goodman underscores this tension in Debra’s internal conflict. For instance, Debra cleans her daughters’ rooms during their absence—a seemingly mundane act that signifies her desire to maintain a connection to them. This behavior contrasts with Richard’s criticism during their marriage: “The kids won’t learn to clean up after themselves if you do it for them” (Goodman). Goodman uses such moments to reveal the quiet sacrifices mothers make to preserve a sense of stability for their children.

Further complicating Debra’s emotional burden is her memory of Richard’s veto of her desire for a third child. Debra reflects on how she once wished to expand their family, only to be met with Richard’s objections: “Once upon a time, Debra had wanted a third child, but Richard had objected, and she had listened” (Goodman). This unfulfilled desire becomes even more poignant when Richard and Heather announce their pregnancy. Goodman uses this disparity to highlight how men often reclaim agency post-divorce, while women are left navigating unresolved aspirations.

Goodman contrasts Debra’s struggles with Richard’s flourishing post-divorce life to critique the societal double standards that shape perceptions of parenting. Richard’s transformation is celebrated by his daughters and endorsed by the narrative’s broader social context. “As for Richard, he was better than he had ever been. Eating healthy, losing weight. The girls said he’d stopped sneaking cigarettes” (Goodman). This portrayal underscores the cultural bias that frames men’s self-improvement after divorce as admirable, while women’s efforts often go unnoticed or are undervalued.

Douglas Schrock and Michael Schwalbe’s research on traditional masculinity provides a framework for understanding this dynamic. Schrock and Schwalbe argue that men are often afforded societal leeway to rebuild their identities after divorce, while women are judged for failing to meet caregiving expectations (279). In “The Last Grownup”, this disparity is exemplified by Richard’s seamless transition into his new life with Heather, juxtaposed with Debra’s struggles to maintain a sense of purpose within her fractured family structure. This gendered inequity becomes even more apparent in Richard’s newfound enthusiasm for fatherhood. While he previously dismissed Debra’s desire for another child, Richard now embraces the prospect of expanding his family with Heather. Goodman uses this shift to critique the privileges that allow men to reinvent themselves post-divorce while women remain tethered to their past roles.

Motherhood lies at the heart of “The Last Grownup“, shaping Debra’s identity and informing her decisions. Goodman critiques the cultural expectation that women prioritize their children’s needs above all else, even at the expense of their personal fulfillment. Debra’s actions, from vacuuming her daughters’ rooms to managing their schedules, reflect her internalized sense of duty as a mother. However, these acts often leave little room for self-care or self-discovery. Heather’s presence as the girls’ new stepmother introduces an additional layer of complexity to Debra’s identity. Heather’s enthusiasm for her new role is evident in her desire to create a “family proposal” to formalize their unity: “We propose to be there for each other every day. To respect differences and appreciate each person for who they are” (Goodman). While Heather’s intentions are genuine, Debra’s response reveals her skepticism about the idealistic nature of such gestures. Goodman uses this dynamic to critique societal tendencies to romanticize stepmothers and new family structures, often at the expense of divorced mothers. Evelyn Avery observes that Goodman’s works challenge binary portrayals of women, instead offering nuanced depictions of their roles and struggles (36). Debra embodies this complexity, as she navigates the tension between her responsibilities as a mother and her desire for personal agency. Goodman’s critique extends beyond Debra’s experiences, calling attention to the systemic pressures that confine women to traditional caregiving roles.

Despite the challenges she faces, Debra demonstrates quiet resilience and an ability to adapt to her evolving circumstances. Goodman portrays Debra’s strength through her interactions with Richard and Heather, particularly when they seek her advice about announcing their pregnancy to the girls. Debra responds with tact and consideration: “I think you should get engaged first and then let a little time pass before telling them about the … I think it’s important for them to know—” (Goodman). Her measured response highlights her ability to prioritize her daughters’ emotional well-being while maintaining her composure in a difficult situation. Goodman further illustrates Debra’s resilience through her reflections on her role within the family. Observing Heather’s excitement about parenting, Debra thinks: “You’re great… And, at the same time, you have no idea. Parenting times three. The sleepless nights ahead, the tantrums and book reports” (Goodman). This internal dialogue captures Debra’s empathy for Heather’s optimism while acknowledging her own hard-earned wisdom as a mother. Goodman frames Debra’s resistance to societal expectations as subtle but significant. By focusing on her daughters’ well-being while asserting her independence, Debra challenges narratives that frame divorced women as either selfless martyrs or selfish deviants. Her journey is one of transformation, marked by moments of introspection and resilience.

Rather than depicting divorce as a failure, Goodman presents it as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Debra’s reflections on her identity reveal her gradual acceptance of change and her ability to find meaning in her evolving relationships. In the story’s conclusion, she expresses gratitude for her daughters: “She was grateful for the daughters that she had” (Goodman). This sentiment underscores Debra’s resilience, affirming her ability to adapt to new realities without losing her sense of self. Cultural studies perspectives reinforce the importance of reframing divorce as a transformative experience. Yodanis argues that challenging societal stigmas surrounding divorce is essential for empowering women to redefine their roles (648). Goodman’s portrayal of Debra aligns with this perspective, offering a narrative that celebrates resilience and reinvention rather than loss. Goodman’s critique extends beyond Debra’s personal experiences, addressing broader societal anxieties about gender, independence, and family dynamics. The tension between Debra and Heather reflects cultural expectations that pit women against one another in blended families. By portraying both characters with empathy and nuance, Goodman challenges these narratives and advocates for a more inclusive understanding of family structures.

Additionally, “The Last Grownup” highlights the undervaluation of emotional labor. While Richard is free to pursue self-improvement without judgment, Debra’s sacrifices remain invisible. This imbalance underscores systemic inequalities that disproportionately burden women post-divorce, calling for a reevaluation of societal norms around caregiving and independence. Warshak’s research suggests that children’s psychological well-being can be significantly impacted by changes in their living situation, especially when one parent relocates. In his study, Warshak emphasizes the importance of maintaining both parents’ involvement in children’s lives to ensure positive adjustment post-divorce, particularly when both parents continue to be actively engaged with the child. He argues that frequent contact with both parents is essential to maintaining a healthy and well-adjusted relationship (Warshak, 83-113). Goodman, in an interview with Lori Harrison-Kahan, discusses the tension between her Jewish identity and her literary work, explaining how she navigates the complexities of being labeled as a “Jewish writer.” She acknowledges the challenges of fitting into this label, especially when her writing spans across various genres and addresses universal themes beyond Jewish culture. Goodman explains that while she embraces the label, she is more concerned with the diversity of her work and the freedom to explore multiple subjects (Harrison-Kahan 188-202).

Allegra Goodman’s “The Last Grownup” critiques the cultural expectations that shape perceptions of divorce and motherhood. Through Debra’s experiences, Goodman exposes the gendered double standards and emotional labor that disproportionately burden women while celebrating their resilience and capacity for reinvention. By reframing divorce as an opportunity for growth, Goodman challenges traditional narratives and affirms the value of reimagined family dynamics. The story resonates with broader cultural conversations about gender equity and family, cementing its place as a nuanced critique of societal norms.

Works Cited

Avery, Evelyn. “Allegra Goodman’s Fiction: From the Suburbs to ‘Gan Eden.’” Studies in American Jewish Literature (1981-), vol. 22, 2003, pp. 36–45. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/41205980. Accessed 17 Nov. 2024.

Goodman, Allegra. The Last Grownup. The New Yorker, October 25, 2021, https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/02/27/the-last-grownup.

Harrison-Kahan, Lori, and Allegra Goodman. “Total Immersion: An Interview with Allegra Goodman.” MELUS, vol. 37, no. 4, 2012, pp. 187–202. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/42001192.

Schrock, Douglas, and Michael Schwalbe. “Men, Masculinity, and Manhood Acts.” Annual Review of Sociology, vol. 35, 2009, pp. 277–95. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/27800079.

Warshak, Richard A. “Social Science and Children’s Best Interests in Relocation Cases: ‘Burgess’ Revisited.” Family Law Quarterly, vol. 34, no. 1, 2000, pp. 83–113. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/25740258.

Yodanis, Carrie. “Divorce Culture and Marital Gender Equality: A Cross-National Study.” Gender and Society, vol. 19, no. 5, 2005, pp. 644–59. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/27640833.