Casting Light on Relationships

Kenton Piper-Ruth

Every culture around the world views dating and courtship differently. Whether we’re talking about North American culture, European, Middle Eastern, Eastern Asian, all of these cultures—which are in themselves made up of many smaller cultural facets—view relationships, courtship, how to end a relationship, divorce, is sometimes drastically different ways. A great starting point in understand how these different cultures understand the role of romance is by studying the stories told by that culture, as they generally can do a good job representing the popular culture segment of the overarching culture. Furthermore, there are different stigmas, biases and expectations for people trying to date based on how old they are. The societal expectations for a fifteen-year-old are drastically different from the societal expectations for a sixty-five-year-old. Jess Walter’s “The Dark” does a great job showing how American culture views dating in old age, while influencing that culture just a little bit itself.

Stuart Hall says that popular culture is “… the double movement of containment and resistance…” (Hall, 228). What I think he means by this, in the simplest terms, is that out culture is shaped by two fundamental forces, a kind of generative force of the majority—the vast swath of people who create the culture by engaging with and practicing in their own beliefs, and moral codes—and the coercive force of a minority—elites, advertisers, foreign parties—who try to influence culture in a way that helps their own interests in some way. The average Joe who goes to work every day, buys products, participating in the economy, and ingests and propagates media, participating in cultural discussion, is an example of the normal participant in culture. The advertising branch at Ford, which tries to sway the culture into considering Ford as a staple of American cultures, is an example of a coercive participant in our culture. And just because I say coercive doesn’t mean this participant is necessarily bad, as a company the coerces the public to buy their new biodegradable shopping bag could be seen as positive influence on culture. So, to bring us back on topic, what forces are shaping the discussion around dating in “The dark”. From an economic standpoint it is in our best interests for people to continue dating, or never stop dating. Products are frequently bought for romantic partners, and enjoyment in receiving gifts is even known as a ‘love language’. Relationships also have a way of producing more people, and under the right circumstances more people means more buying and producing power, benefitting the economy. If upon reaching a certain age people just stopped dating, the economy would certainly suffer, as a large swath the American population is elderly, that would mean that a good percent of the population would be no longer buying diamond rings, jewelry, valentine chocolates, or flower, to name just a few of the many gifts given to romantic partners throughout the course of a relationship. Economic sector has a clear stake in people continuing to date into old age. How do we see this stake represented in our culture? First I think we see a fostered fear of loneliness. There is the classic quote from movies, tv-shows, books, of not wanting to die alone. This is a real fear for many people, but it makes sense for companies who sell products that aren’t truly ‘necessary’ to encourage this fear. Then there is the encouragement, the mentality that being with loved ones will make you happy. Again there is a lot of truth to this, I don’t think anyone would argue that companionship is a negative, just as no one would argue that leafy greens are bad for you. But again, the economy and advertisers would certainly benefit from this desire for companionship, so there is a possibility that they purposefully exaggerate its positive sides to increase their profitability. In “The Dark” we see Doug’s wife strongly encourage him to continue dating after her death, going so far as to give him instructions with the memorable line “… he might have some Viagra on hand in case grief and gulit affected his performance…”(Walter, 160). I highlight this quote because imagine how much less profitable the makers of Viagra and Cialis would be if people stopped dating as they aged, which means they have a clear stake in whether people do, which means if their marketing team is any good they will pounce on the opportunity to influence popular culture in a way that increases their profits. Later we see Doug meeting his Date at a restaurant. This seems normal, but I’d argue that is because it is so integrated into our culture. Grabbing a coffee is very common for a first ‘meeting’ or date, going to the movies, going out to eat, all very common, and they all cost money, all benefit the economy. Going for a hike, or playing a board game at a park, could also be great first dates, offering the same amount of opportunity for discourse, but they aren’t, and I would argue it is because they don’t benefit the economy, so they aren’t as present in the media, and therefore not as prevalent in our culture. This is why Doug and his date chose to go to a restaurant, or this is why Jess Walter’s chose to have this date take place at a restaurant because it is such an average place for a date in our culture, and therefore seems very realistic to the reader. In contrast this might not be a very realistic portrayal of a date in say Nepal. I don’t know for sure about Nepal specifically, but I am sure dating rituals are different around the world.

Culture isn’t just influenced by coercive forces like economic gains. Stuart Hall talked about the resistant nature of people within culture and how they create it on their own terms. Mich Fischer also talked about how culture is a place where meaning is created and contested (Fischer, 3). So, how does Doug in “The Dark” influence culture? What is his take on the trajectory of American culture? How does Douge create and contest American culture? I think we see the influence of Doug more toward the end of “The Dark”. It is unclear whether Doug will continue dating after his experience with Marcie, but we do get the feeling that Doug’s favorite part of the whole thing was talking about it with his family, with the impression that this would bring him closer to his dead wife, by interacting with her and his offspring ( Walter, 169). I feel like this is Doug finding what truly makes him happy. And by espousing that this is what truly makes him happy he is also lowering the value of things that don’t truly make him happy. Even if he keeps dating Doug will still place high value on sharing experiences with his children, partly because that brings him closer to his dead wife. Small sidenote, this is not something that is blatantly economically beneficial for third parties. I think it is likely that he will never hold another romantic partner at a higher value than that of his dead wife. This is the way that Doug is interacting with the discourse around dating in old age, saying he is content with the experiences he has. Thus “The Dark” can be seen to be influencing popular culture in this small but significant way.

While economics influences culture through the coercive angle of advertisement. People influence it simply by existing and making choices. It is impossible to completely disconnect the choices people make from the forces trying to influence them, but it is worth pretending that it is for this discussion. Doug’s children are supportive of Doug finding another partner. This is likely due to their desire for Doug to be happy, or at least occupied. This is likely do to the assumption that Doug is better off with a partner than without. Similarly if someone is bored it is commonplace to tell them to get a hobby. If someone is lonely, tell them to get a girlfriend/boyfriend. The concept is fairly simple. Devoid of economic influence, there is a cultural pressure to partner up. One could argue that this is because we are stronger together than apart, which is true. Putting aside why there is pressure to partner up, the pressure is significant. In our culture single people are often looked down upon because of their singular nature, the colloquial reasoning being that their must be something wrong, off, distasteful about them for them to be single. Even if the singularity was chosen the same stigmas apply to them. Their could be some truth to these stigmas, but then again they could be bullshit. Either way Doug felt this societal pressure to partner up, and weirdly his children did also, which is likely another reason the encouraged him to date again. Also, his wife likely felt this pressure too, not wanting her husband to be looked down upon by society. Was this pressure the only reason Doug decided to date again? Certainly not, but it was likely a part of the reason.

So Doug likely decided to date again due to pressure from his wife and family, due to a fear of being alone, due to a desire for companionship, and hoping that a relationship would generally make his life more exiting and less boring. I would say that all of these reasons were in one way or another influenced by the culture that Doug was immerged in. Big business wanted him to fear loneliness, wanted him to desire companionship. Society would look down on him for being alone, or at least that is a common belief that he could have certainly held. But it’s not a one way street. Similar to how voting doesn’t really feel that impactful on the trajectory of the political world, Doug also contributed his 2 cents to his society, and transitively his culture. He chose what he valued the most and through the medium of “The Dark” we that cultural influence is magnified. In the end “The Dark” wonderfully illustrates what it might be like to date in old age, while changing what it’s like a tiny, tiny bit.

Works Cited

Fischer, M. J. Michael. “Culture and Cultural Analysis as Experimental Systems”. Anthrosource. 7 January 2008. https://anthrosource.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1525/can.2007.22.1.1. Accessed Nov 24 2024.

Hall, Stuart. “Notes on Deconstructing the ‘Popular’.” People’s History and Socialist Theory, edited by Raphael Samuel, Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1981, pp. 228-239. https://la.utexas.edu/users/hcleaver/357k/HallPopularCulture.pdf

Walter, Jess. “The Dark.” Ploughshares, vol. 49, no. 2, Summer 2023, pp. 160–69. EBSCOhost, https://doi-org.cwi.idm.oclc.org/10.1353/plo.2023.a902375.